A Lot of Nothing

There has been no real progress in terms of the advancement of PPP's Glorious Five-Year Plan, though a box of contraceptives were stolen off our front porch. In the spirit of baseless accusations and finger-pointing it is obvious that this is because of the limited availability of condoms and other prophylactics in suburban Springfield.

So, thief, thank you! And know that your desperate theft of our box of unmentionables will not go unmentioned, and we will in fact do our best to make sure there are more condoms to pilfer in the future!